A Different Point of View

He loved me once, long ago. He had power, wealth, a handsome face-more than enough to catch the eye of any woman in the world. Yet, he deserved someone with ambition, daring, all the things he had, and he knew it. I was his epitome of perfection from the first time we met and he knew that fact as well. Thus began an affair so torrid and with such a devastating ending that the story of the parting still exists even after these thousands of years. "How do you know this?" you ask me. I answer quite simply: Because I still live to hear those tales, though my love is now dead, and I scorn the version now taken for turth. It is no more what really occurred than what I said about my lover being dead. He lives, though reborn into another form. I would know my own past, I believe, and the falsehoods floating about are only just that: falsehoods.

I am Mierin Eronaile. You kow me as Lanfear, and I am one of the Chosen. I will tell you my tale, though I have never been commended as a storyteller or bard. I will simply state that which I still have running through my mind. Whether or not you believe is entirely up to you.

Lews loved me, once, long ago. I loved him as well. As the Wheel of Time spins round to bring him back, perhaps we shall yet love again...

I can still see him standing in the doorway to our room a half year before we parted. Just the sight of him pausing there under the archway, one hand on the door-latch, doing nothing but watching me as I leaned against the windowsill and admired the view, just that one sight keeps echoing through the halls of my mind. Many men have been captivated by my beauty since, but none have affected me the same way as knowing Lews was enchanted with me. It gave me such a feeling of warmth, of desire, and-of course-of power. Lews knew all this. We often spoke of our feelings openly when we were together. He never attempted to rein in my passions for him or for power, accepting them as parts of me and loving me for them because he could do no less.

Yes, there were instances where we fought bitterly on the subject of my need for power until neither of us could stand the sight of each other. The result was always the same, though: both of us would return to the other's waiting arms within a few days, having seen some sense in the other side of the coin and not willing to risk our love for a silly spat. For him, I would bend and withhold my ambitions and plans. But for others... I would do anything at all to please him and keep him beside me, glorying in his fame and power and love. I had not found anything else in my life which I desired more than Lews; nothing else satisfied my entirety so completely.

The day I mentioned, the one I can still vividly recall, was also the day almost everything changed. Things started down a path so swiftly that neither of us ever truly regained control. By the time we realized what had happened, we were powerless to affect the weavings of the accursed Wheel.

Lews had just entered and closed the door. I turned from my study of the panoramic vistas outside the windowpane, smiling at him and feeling my heart pound as it always did when I laid eyes on him. "I trust you're not here early because you killed off all your aides?" I asked, amused.

He looked down into my eyes-always down for my great Dragon, tall as he was, though I was no short woman myself-and closed the distance between us with a few long strides to place his hands on my shoulders and his lips briefly on my forehead. "Not today, Mier," he chuckled deeply, "though the prospect was undeniably attractive to me many times."

I wrapped my arms around him, smiling up into his eyes. "Then why have you graced me with your presence, my love?" I was curious as to his odd behaviour, as he normally kept late hours most nights, to my great irritation, and only returned so soon if something were wrong. I, myself, rarely received any time to myself when it came to my duties. That day was one of the few exceptions, as it was the end of a break from my work.

I waited for his response, knowing that he would come to tell me in his own time, and was slightly surprised to watch him turn and pace a bit. Nervously running a hand through his hair, he quickly commented, "I gave them all a task to do, then I came to seek you. I had hoped you would be here still." He stopped and looked at me with a half-smile. "You do know you were a bewitching sight while you pondered so deeply at the window? Picturing that in my mind will help me say what I feel I must."

I frowned, concerned. "And what would that be, Lews?"

He paused for a long moment, weighing something internally. Then, moving close enough to tenderly touch my cheek, he said, "Today is the day I would make you my wife, Mierin Eronaile. What is your answer?"

For one long moment, I felt as if all of my dreams had come true. I had wanted to hear those words for so long, had hoped to hear them, for so many different reasons. There would be no limit to how far I could take my ambitions. I would have power and pull that other women would envy. With me at his side, Lews Therin Telamon could have the whole world as his own, rather than govern it with the help of others who should have been his servants, so very easily, and the enemies he had at present and in the future would soon find us to be a deadly pair.

And I would be his wife! I crowed in delight. He wants no other but me, and I am content to stay with him for the rest of my days.

I took a breath and opened my mouth to give him the answer he wanted to hear, and I wanted so desperately to say, but a knock on the door interrupted me. I glowered darkly as Lews turned and answered the rapping, feeling as if my greatest opportunity had abruptly passed, never to return.

I was not far wrong. The messenger was there to escort Lews to the home of a fairly powerful family. Casting me a tired look which almost screamed, "Think on it and we shall speak again," he followed the man out. He did not return to me that night, and I had to leave Paaren Disen the next day to continue my duties at the Collam Daan university.

We had little to no contact with each other for almost a half year thereafter, mostly because of my heavy workload. There had been evidence of a source of power that could be implemented by either males or females, without the division and problems of the One Power, and I had been pouring over what we had at Collam Daan to attempt to pinpoint the location. I sent Lews letters, when I could, of what I wanted to do, and of my desire to forge my name into history as the one to discover this Power, and that I missed him terribly. Often these notes were just short little things, almost updates on my continuing drive to become powerful and attain the third name I coveted. Yet, I always included some small reminder of my love for him, ending each letter with adoring words. I never wrote to him to say that I had accepted his proposal. I always believed that something so important deserved to be said to him personally. I did, however, hint that I had indeed accepted the offer, but thought that his lack of mentioning it himself was indicative that he was allowing me time to think without pushing. I knew he was also busy, as well.

The infrequent responses I received became progressively aloof as the months continued. When I noticed him beginning to sound as if he fought with himself over a matter he was holding back from me, I decided to return to him and find out exactly what it was. Telling my colleagues I would be away for a few weeks on business, and knowing my investigation was at an end for the time being as it was, I returned to my Dragon with haste and concern.

He seemed surprised by my presence. "Mierin, what are you doing here?" he demanded. "You never sent a message that you were coming."

I frowned ever so slightly at his words, having never needed to alert him of a visit before, then pushed it away and went to him with a loving smile. As I slipped my arms around him and drew him in close to me, I looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, "The point is that I'm here, and I will be for a good while. Shall we enjoy it?" I traced his jawline with my index finger with a soft smile, melting his stony countenance and setting alight I fire in his gaze.

But the flames soon died and were replaced with a great sadness. I wondered about such a mournful look that night as he slept, but it was not until the next day that I would completely understand. We woke that morning and the first thing from my lips was that I loved him and would marry him.

At which point he calmly informed me that asking me that question had been a mistake, as the night before had been, and that he was now courting one Ilyena Moerelle Dalisar.

I was stunned and hurt. He must have seen the look on my face since hsi own countenance swiftly became tortured. Mier, it's political. I have very little choice!" he explained roughly, then said the words which stabbed me through the heart. "You, of all people, should know about ambition and power-struggles. I thought you would agree with me on this decision."

I leapt from the bed and stalked to my clothing, choking out in a snarl, "You thought wrong, Lews Therin!" Viciously getting into my clothes, I railed loudly at him, "And just where did using me as a harlot figure into your plans, Lews? You must feel quite good knowing you have two women to lie with."

He flinched as if struck, his face flushing in anger. "You taught me all I know about how to use people to rise to the most powerful seat. I have to wonder if you ever truly loved me or just the path to bigger things I represented for you."

"You always have," I returned coldly. "It has never bothered you before, so why let it now? And you know very well I never had to stoop so low as to turn the tricks of a whore to gain what I wanted." I smirked. "Unlike yourself."

"No," he growled, "you only made me love you, and that was so much worse."

"Fool, you need to look in a mirror when you say that," I hissed, putting on my belt. "I was not the one to make a woman love me and then break her heart by deciding to court another without ending the first relationship."

He was aloof once more, his pain speaking from his eyes. "You would have, though, if another man more influential than I had appeared."

"You will never know for certain, will you?" I pointed out quietly, my anger slipping from me a bit and allowing the more competant parts of my mind to return. "And now you took what I cherished most from me."

He closed his eyes and turned his face from me. "What we had was over as soon as I laid eyes on Ilyena, Mierin. The same day I went to speak with her father, he began to push for a match between us. I knew a soon as he did that my choices were limited. I chose what was beneficial." He looked back to me, tears forming and bitterness in his voice, as he said, "Was I a proper novice for you, Mierin? Did I learn you ways well?"

I felt at fault quite suddenly and hesitantly reached out one hand to touch his arm. "Lews, together we can resolve this if we tried..."

He moved from under my hand and took a step towards the door, his words cutting off my own. "It is over, Mierin. Go."

I could not allow this to happen. "Please, Lews, I love you..."

"GO!" he thundered at me, storming to the door and flinging it so wide it hit the wall and bounced a little. He turned to watch me leave, waiting for me.

I drew myself up to my full height and stared him down. "Very well, Lews Therin Telamon. But I will never give up on regaining you, and that is my solemn vow." I then strode out with a calm expression.

I heard, the next day, that Lews Therin Telamon had broken with Mierin Eronaile. When I queried as to the reason, the man-who did not recognize me-stated flatly that he had no idea. I then asked if he had heard anything about Therin courting Ilyena, knowing that such news would still be hovering about the city even though it was apparently old, from what Lews had hinted at. The man did not know that, either, and asked what I had heard. I walked away without telling him. No one I asked knew anything of Lews and Ilyena.

I returned to Collam Daan trying to reason out why my love had lied to me. I attempted to return to him many times but never received what I wished. It was almost as if he had closed himself off from me.

I threw myself into my investigation for the next while. When we finally discovered the place of power, I was one of the team who drilled the Bore. I was also one of the few who survived the ordeal that followed.

The Great Lord showed me many things, but it was not until I heard the news that Lews and Ilyena were going to be married that I found He offered me anything useful. I considered it at length as I waited for the wedding, wary of getting involved too deeply until I knew for certain that I would not regain Lews on my own. I hated Ilyena for taking him from me and virtually destroying my dreams. I did try to disrupt the wedding, true, but only because I could not bear to see Lews marry someone else. I would endeavor to show the public the truth, that Lews was forced into this union, but by the time of the union he had grown to love Ilyena.

However, I could not move on. I was desperate for a way to bring him back to me. I had found that I could love no one else. Thus, when I stalked through my home wringing wine from my dress just after the wedding, I saw my chance to actually achieve my goal.

I took the name "Lanfear." I had more than enough power to satisfy my needs and ambitions, but I did not have what I desired most and was unhappy. I took my frustrations out on the people I was given to govern. I kept Tel'aran'rhiod for myself, figuring that since dreams were all I had, then I should rule the lands where dreams lived.

I never did win Lews. I was trapped away and I slept. But you know all of this, and you know what has transpired since I vanished. But now you know the story of how my relationship to the Dragon ended, from a different point of view.

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