Amarantha's Arches

Amarantha leaped half out of her seat at the weight that dropped onto her shoulders and she almost channeled from her startlement. The Library had been still and silent for hours while Amarantha had been studying on her own. Light slanted through the bay windows in a bright rivulet to put golden glows on the wooden paneling of each desk and tall bookshelf in the room. It couldn't shade out, except far back in the recesses of the room, thanks to a large set of windows spaced around one side of the wall. Each opened up over a scene of Tar Valon that changed with each progression forward or back. Occasionally, white birds, sometimes grey or blue or red, flitted by the windows to shock the eyes. The main Library foyer was open, with the head Librarian's desk set near the only doorway, and though the entire room was indeed furnished grandly it still retained a certain spartan side that pointed to the caretakers' desires to enhance the beauty of knowledge rather than any decorations.

Amarantha hadn't been ignorant of the serenity. The slightly musty scent of the books pervaded her senses to seep into her mind as a tranquilizer. She had been reading through a tome on the philosophies of a White Sister named Martiella Lanorine who had lived almost five centuries previously. From the look of the manuscript, Martiella had finished it and another Aes Sedai had re-scribed it word for word in the intervening five centuries. Even so, the pages were still robust, if dog-eared in places, to note where many White aspirants had perused the pages. She had another book set aside to read later, once the philosophy of Martiella Sedai was finished-and Amarantha had been reading it for almost three days, almost completed-over the workings of the human mind, written by a set of Blue and Yellow Sisters who were twins in truth. They were both still alive, so far as anyone knew, though long since retired to a personal home to await death.

Her conversation with Ellisandre in the gardens had sparked a need to peruse her options for ajahs and try to expand her mind. She had done so willingly, and by immersing herself within the topics on hand she had effectively blocked out the world around her. It was because of this that the sudden weight dropping onto her shoulders caused her to stifle a shriek and nearly leave her seat.

Calisan laughed out loud as she dropped into the chair next to Amarantha and then looked penitent as the Brown Librarian sent a fierce scowl her way. Amarantha blushed brightly and frowned at Calisan as she settled down and lifted her book once more to continue reading. "I couldn't resist," Calisan whispered with sparkling blue eyes. "You looked so involved, Amarantha!"

Amarantha opened her mouth to explain why, but remembered Calisan's proclivities towards physical activities rather than actual classroom studies and changed the verbal explanation to a shrug. "It's interesting," was all she said. Changing the subject as she saw Calisan's gaze and hands head for the spine of her book over psychology, Amarantha murmured quietly, "Thought you were in Eshela Sedai's class on political theory right now?"

Calisan blinked and looked at Amarantha quizzically, her attention briefly removed from the book, and answered with a confused frown, "I should have been, but Eshela told me to come here and read Ayellisto Moriado's Treatises on Peace instead." She grinned again. "Eshela Sedai thinks I would make a lovely Grey, I think."

Amarantha's emerald gaze slid over from her book's last page as her white brows climbed. Two things affected her at that moment: one, that Calisan could be thought of as a Grey candidate; and two, that such a strange action should happen to Calisan that mirrored her own experience. Calisan noted it and thought it was something else entirely. Waving a hand, Calisan stated airily, "Don't look so worried, Ammy. You know we'll both be Greens one day."

Amarantha set her book down softly, holding its place with her slim left hand as she regarded Calisan. "It's not that," Amarantha said slowly. "It's the fact Borja Sedai, the Red teaching about the stages of a male channeler's descent into madness, did exactly that for me this morning. She told me to come here and read the book there," she pointed at the twins' book, "to learn about how the mind works so that I could understand how the disintegration goes for male channelers." Amarantha glanced up at the Brown sentinel before she leaned close in and whispered quickly, "Something is strange, here. I can feel it."

And she could. It prickled down her neck, raising the hairs there, just as she had felt right before Archantael had broken her block months ago. It was the feeling of impending doom, in a way, but most definitely based on one of her Foretellings in the gardens. She had seen herself bathed in water, on her knees, on the cold stone floor of a huge room in the Tower. It had occurred a week and more before her lectures on the raising process, and in that class she had recognized the procedure of raising in her vision. She knew she would be raised and that there would be something during it to pay attention to.

But Calisan quirked a brow at Amarantha's serious expression and leaned in close as well. "You really think so?" she replied curiously. Her mind, from the glitter in her eyes and the light in her face, denoted her increase in interest in the romantic edge of the statement.

Amarantha opened her mouth to affirm her thoughts, but then closed it and snapped her eyes down to her page as they caught the sway of a proper dress approaching. Calisan, not quite understanding immediately why Amarantha behaved so oddly, glanced towards the Brown quickly and found herself looking up at Jenrien Sedai instead. She made a short "erp!" sound as she glanced away hurriedly, already blushing at having been caught talking to Amarantha.

As Jenrien glided to a halt, she gently, yet firmly, said, "Calisan, child, come with me immediately. Be quick, Novice." She nodded somewhat distractedly at Amarantha, though her curt gesture halted both of them mid-rise for a curtsy. Her words kept Amarantha silent, though Calisan bobbed a curtsy regardless quickly and murmured, "Yes, Aes Sedai," with a look towards Amarantha. Jenrien turned and moved away, and Calisan followed with only another look back that was half-hopeful and half-worried. Amarantha smiled encouragingly as her heart slowed, then took up her book once more to finish her page.

It wasn't me, Amarantha sighed and relaxed. The sight of the Mistress of Novices had given her a fright, to be sure, but she felt a little guilty about her relief that it was Calisan rather than herself. The feeling of badness was still heavy on her, though, and though she began her second book quickly enough, she found her mind wandering towards what could be happening with Calisan before she had reached her fifth page.

*~*~*

"Amarantha?"

The query brought her head up from where it rested on her flat book and she blinked around blearily. She hadn't meant to fall asleep, and she rubbed her eyes a little as she mumbled, "Yes?" She then squinted up at whomever had called her, expecting Calisan.

She looked at Jenrien Sedai once more, and the sudden thrill of foreboding coursed through her and made her heart hammer instantly. Jenrien's face was slightly shadowed and less glowing than it had been in the morning light thanks to the sun moving to mid-afternoon. Amarantha tried to hurry to her feet, taking her book up as she went, and was ready to curtsy when the Mistress of Novices gestured for her to hold the motion. Her face seemed pinched, somewhat worn, and Amarantha wondered why. "Apologies, Aes Sedai," Amarantha offered quietly.

Jenrien beckoned for her to follow and neither accepted nor denied the offer of apology. Amarantha closed her book and held it in her hands anxiously as she paced gracefully behind and beside the Blue Aes Sedai. They remained silent as they walked, though Amarantha was livid with curiosity as to why she was being taken away, and Amarantha's sense of dread began to grow stronger with each step.

"What have I done, Jenrien Sedai?" she finally hazarded to ask tentatively.

Jenrien remained unruffled. "You've done nothing, child. You are to be raised this evening."

Oh Light no! Amarantha fretted, then realized what she was saying and wondered at her own sanity. This was what she had wanted, wasn't it? What are you so afraid of? she asked herself firmly. It was only a possible outcome, not a definite! "I didn't know I was deemed fit for this honour at this time, Aes Sedai." She spoke carefully, keeping her eyes ahead of her.

Jenrien smiled thinly. "We may make mistakes, child. The first week of your Accepted-hood, should you prevail this process of raising tonight, will make sure of your fitness for the banded dress better than anything we might do." They descended a flight of stairs as she spoke.

Amarantha remained quiet for a long period as they walked before she spoke again. In that time frame, they completed a move down two corridors as well as another two flights of stairs. "Will…will I be able to speak with Calisan? Was she raised also today?"

Jenrien said nothing for such a lengthy time that Amarantha wondered if the Mistress of Novices had heard her at all. "I came to bring her for raising, yes," she finally replied. "It would be best for you to concentrate on your own raising at this moment, child, as it will take all that you contain within you to succeed."

Amarantha only nodded as they began to descend a long ramp towards a very large set of doors at the end. They stunned Amarantha with their size and weight, making her wonder what it was that they were attempting to keep inside them. They entered almost solemnly through the massive doors, and the voluminous room within put Amarantha's mouth agape in wonder.

She wondered if a circular room could be as large as the entire world, smashed down into the domed ceiling above her, and where or who could have created the great structure placed in its direct center. The raising ter'angreal was circular, three-arched, and surrounded by Aes Sedai murmuring quietly to themselves. There was one of each ajah there, and Amarantha felt their eyes on her as she and Jenrien entered, as if she were being weighed with only their gazes. It caused her to swallow heavily and shift slightly from one foot to the other nervously.

Jenrien turned to her as she looked at the silvery arches filled with opaque light. "Novices are given three chances at this, child. You may refuse twice to enter, but at the third refusal you are put from the Tower."

Amarantha was silent for a moment, swallowing heavily once more at the awesome display in front of her. I have to go on, she decided. I have to become Aes Sedai. There's nothing else for me beyond that. "I will go on, Jenrien Sedai," Amarantha said quietly, yet firmly.

Jenrien nodded a little. "I will tell you two things no woman hears until she stands where you do. Once you begin, child, you must go on to the end. Refusal at any point will mean you will be put from the Tower as if you had refused the third time. You must also heed the next tenet, Amarantha. To seek, to strive, is to know danger." Her voice almost shook as she continued, much to Amarantha's fright, but there was nothing on the Blue's face to tell her anything about the cause. The look in her eyes was sympathetic, however, and more than a little sad. "Some women have gone into these arches and have not returned. When the arches were allowed to quiet down, they simply were not there. You must be steadfast if you will succeed and survive."

Amarantha could feel her face pale even as horror washed over her. They never returned? Oh Light help me… Jenrien noted the ashen quality of her features and stated gently, "Amarantha, you may refuse now and it counts only as the first. There is no shame in refusing, and you may try twice more." Amarantha could feel her heart pounding in her chest as the horrid feeling of wrongness moved through her violently. Her Foretelling simply couldn't be true! It couldn't! I have to prove it, though. And I can't run from this. I can't run anymore. "I accept, Aes Sedai," she said almost at a whisper, her green eyes focused on the arches as if they were a Fade.

Jenrien motioned at her. "Then prepare yourself, child."

Amarantha blinked and then disrobed as she remembered from her lectures, feeling the air brush her skin and raise gooseflesh on her body. She folded her novice dress carefully and set it near the wall where she stood, along with her shoes. She chewed her bottom lip a little as the words echoed through her head: "Once you agree to begin, you must see it through to the end" and "to seek, to strive, is to know danger." Her stomach fluttered nervously as she looked at the Mistress of Novices and nodded that she was ready.

Nikkira Sedai in her grey-fringed shawl stood by a table nearby, and Amarantha knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Nikkira Sedai stood for the chalices. That was why they released Calisan and me, Amarantha realized. As Jenrien Sedai and Amarantha came near to where the first arch stood waiting, the Grey sister intoned, "Whom do you bring with you, Sister?"

"One who comes as a candidate for Acceptance, Sister," Jenrien replied serenely. Amarantha felt both excited and cold from terror. Light, they never came out? Will I? I must...

"Is she ready?" Nikkira asked.

"She is ready to leave behind what she was, and, passing through her fears, gain Acceptance." Jenrien Sedai's voice never changed one whit, but Amarantha had to fight back her shiver at the words. Pass through my fears, she thought worriedly. But I must go on!

"Does she know her fears?"

"She has never faced then, but now is willing," Jenrien pronounced as they stopped in front of the ter'angreal. The light shimmered inside the first arch, beckoning Amarantha from wherever it emanated. What is inside there waiting for me? she wondered to herself with a little horrid fascination. What fear will this be?

But Nikkira had gone on. "Then let her face what she fears." Amarantha's gaze flickered over to where the Grey was standing, but she couldn't see her from where she stood. For some reason, the other Sister's voice had sounded almost pitying for the barest of moments.

"The first time," Jenrien said from close by, drawing Amarantha's eyes back to the arch, "is for what was. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast."

Amarantha swallowed heavily, her throat and mouth so dry it wasn't amusing in the least, and ran one trembling hand through her hair. What was, she repeated to herself, dreading facing it and knowing she would have to do so. This will be the worst one, I know. I have had much to fear in the past.

"Child," Jenrien admonished sharply, "do you refuse to enter, knowing what it would mean?"

The edge in Jenrien's voice shattered Amarantha's reverie. I can defeat it, Amarantha said fiercely in her mind. I know I can. "No, Jenrien Sedai," she answered aloud, lifting her head and standing to her full height. "I do not refuse this challenge."

Amarantha Charmai took a deep breath and stepped forward into the light of the first arch, feeling as if her entire world had become that glow as it filled her mind, filled her body, and filled her soul.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Ammy!" her father, Hap, called from near the tent where his horses were being auctioned off. "Be back in time for the gleeman's story tonight! And be careful, else Shasa Imwell will have my hide for letting you ruin that dress of yours!"

Amarantha blinked as she looked around at where she stood. This isn't right, I shouldn't be here, she thought uneasily. It was followed by her irate mental words: Of course I should be here! Where else should I be other than at the festival?

"I'll be back soon, Father!" she called and hoped Hap hadn't noticed the pause in her words. "I promise!"

"Good girl!" her father replied, then went back inside the tent he had just come from. Amarantha smiled fondly at where he'd been. She loved her father so very much. "I haven't seen you in so long," she whispered, then frowned. She had just been with him in the tent not but a few moments prior. "What is wrong with me this evening?" she muttered irritably as she went on her way.

Be steadfast, a voice echoed in her head.

She frowned. Steadfast about what? came her question answering that voice. As she walked along, she found her steps to be ones that danced even as she hummed a pretty tune. A few of the women sitting near a cloth tent nodded to her as she passed, big smiles on their faces, and seemed pleased she had danced so well for them today. I haven't danced in quite a while, she pondered, then shook her head as her steps faltered for the barest second. I danced today! How silly can I get tonight! Perhaps I should go tomorrow to see Mistress Danja about being sick.

She made her wandering way to the outskirts of the gathering and trotted off into the trees. There was a stream relatively nearby that fed into a pool she had often gone swimming in every time her father had brought her to the festival. Her brother had accompanied her up until she had begun to blossom into her womanhood, and might have accompanied her again just to walk with her a while had he not gotten married the year before. His wife was in labor at that very moment far, far away so that he could not make it to the celebration. It's just Father and me now, she mused in melancholy. And soon it may not even be we two, if Archantael Backun has his way and convinces Father that he would take care of me well enough. Father wouldn't hesitate to push me into getting to know Archantael better so that we could marry later, I just know it. He loves me, but...he wishes I weren't so like another son of his.

But that left her cold for some reason, the thought of Archantael Backun making her almost physically ill where she stood. It filled her with icy terror, and she barely kept her teeth from chattering or her feet from running somewhere that she wouldn't be found. She found that exceedingly strange, too, and simply turned her mind to dancing. Her thoughts remained on this train of thought until she came to her intended destination. She shed her shoes on the bank and lifted her skirts to feel out the chill in the water with her feet, noting that it was just right for swimming as it always was at this time of year. She cast a quick look around to make certain no one was nearby before she began to lift off her dress.

The sound of distant voices arrested her intentions before the dress was halfway over her head. She let the light green fabric drop back into place and froze, listening to see if they were coming nearer or simply passing by. Please let them be passing by, she prayed without breathing. The sound of horses hooves picking up into a trot began from somewhere in front of her, coming closer, and she let out a hissing breath as she grabbed up her slippers to dart for the nearest copse of bushes. She had just dived into them when the three men came trotting through, talking noisily.

"Ashast, are you sure them people are gathered up nearby?" one of them, burly looking and dark-haired, asked. He rode a heavily muscled roan with enough scars to mark him a veteran of fights.

"Won't do us any good if they aren't there, Perit," came the gruff reply from a lean blond man on a bay mare. Her coat shone a bit in the dusky light, highly groomed like she was a show horse. Amarantha had a feeling she was, but that she hadn't been bought from a ring by the one riding her. "You gonna allow that kind of stupidity from someone working with you, Ashast?"

"Perit, Nemarl, both of you silence yourselves," came the smooth reply from the dark man on a black stallion, "or I'll let Grigh have you both when we return to his camp. These villagers have come to this spot since before you both were born, much less me. It's their tradition. They'll be there." His silver tack gleamed ominously in the fading light, especially when on the background of such a fine ebony animal as the one he rode. Something told Amarantha this mount actually had been bought from a ring somewhere.

"There's more than one village, though," Perit whined. "They may be too many people for us folks to handle!"

Ashast sighed as if asking for help from the Creator to spare him from the two louts he was with. "Perit, that's why Grigh brought his army."

Nemarl snickered. "You stupid sheep!" he sneered to Perit. "One hundred men oughtta be enough to sack a small city! All they're waiting on is the sun going down."

One hundred? Amarantha thought with a gasp. Sunset? I have to warn Father and the others!

Be steadfast, the bodiless voice said from somewhere near her.

Amarantha looked around wildly for the speaker, wondering if it was another man with the three who now rode by, and chewed her bottom lip to see it wasn't. Light, I have to hurry!

She waited until the three men had passed before shoving her shoes onto her feet and bolting from her hiding place at a run, her dress hiked up to her thighs indecently to allow her some freedom of movement. "I mustn't fail you, Father!" she said aloud. "I have to come and tell you what's happened!"

But I didn't before, did I? she asked herself, and stumbled on a root to fall on her hands and knees. He could've made Archantael pay for what he did to me had I come back as I was, but I ran away in terror.

"What is wrong with me?!" she almost sobbed into the ground. "Bloody imagination, it has to be! It has to be!" The memories of being forcibly taken by Archantael just couldn't be true!

The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.

"Way...back?" she asked in confusion. She looked around again and picked herself up, gathered up her skirts, and ran once more. Her fleet steps took her to the edge of the forest, where she halted to catch her breath, and she saw the sun had set already. "Light, NO!" she screamed. "Father! Somebody! An attack!" Her breath heaved as she started for the distant tents, her steps faltering so much she couldn't go fast enough.

Suddenly an arch appeared to her right, back inside the beginnings of the forest she had just left. The glow was bright enough so that it caught her eye, and she turned towards it almost thankfully for some reason.

The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.

It suddenly came to her to go into the arch; that on the other side waited something she needed more than what she had. That something was so important that it took precedence over everything else in life. "But, what about my Father?" she cried shrilly as her breath rose to gasping sobs. "I have to tell him I'm all right! He has to know I'm alive! It may kill him not to!" She took a half a dozen steps towards the arch anyway before she stopped. She suddenly turned at the sound of a mass of cries off in the distance as the attack began.

"No!" she howled like a spirit damned to the Pit of Doom. "Not again! I'm sorry Father!" Steadfast...

She hurled herself forward, running for the light, and was burned to ashes as it enveloped her.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She emerged from the first arch and staggered to her knees, sobbing brokenly. Full knowledge of her surroundings rolled over her as soon as she once again beheld the room, the Aes Sedai in it, and Jenrien's blue-violet dress hem near her. Cold water cascaded over her head, giving her a chill immediately even as it washed away her tears, and Nikkira's voice said along with it, "You are washed clean of what sin you may have done, and of those done against you. You are washed clean of what crime you may have committed, and of those committed against you. You come to us washed clean and pure, in heart and soul."

Amarantha stood slowly, attempting to take hold of herself and failing miserably. She moved some of her thick wet hair out of her eyes where the water in the chalice had pushed it, tears still falling down her cheeks. "Light, I didn't go back again!" she wept. "He must think I'm dead or..."

"Sometimes," Jenrien interrupted, forcing Amarantha to go silent and listen, "the price to become Aes Sedai is steep." The Grey Sister put her arm around Amarantha's shoulders, not a small feat considering the novice was tall for a woman, and turned her to the side. It felt comforting to her, or at least better than standing alone. "The ones who stay may find the price too much to pay."

Amarantha swallowed, finally able to calm down, and took a deep breath. Think on it later, she admonished herself. Besides, you know that Hap died, even if he died not knowing you still lived. But Jericho knows, and there's that much. "But there is still danger for them." It was a statement rather than a question.

Jenrien agreed. "Indeed. As there is for you, child. Remember that even channeling in defense may Still you, or harm you in many other ways. To seek, to strive, is to realize that danger. The arch is your only escape that is safe." Jenrien turned her to face the second arch. "Are you ready, child?" she asked as she removed her arm.

Amarantha looked at the glow-filled arch before her. "Yes, Aes Sedai."

"The second time is for what is. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast."

What is, Amarantha thought as she ran a trembling hand through her hair. This one should be better.

She bridged the distance with two timorous steps and the light swallowed her.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She rode along a dusty road, her grey stallion sending up puffs with each step he took. It looked odd in the light of the dying sun, but not so much it took her concentration from her scrutiny of the surroundings. There was a bag of gold, though a small one, on her saddle that jingled faintly. All of her belongings were on it. She glanced at her leg, where a short sword rested against her thigh, and noted that she was dressed in a tunic and breeches.

Several things hit her at once that confused her. First was that she was on the road instead of at the Tower. Second was that she had a sword with her when she could barely use it. Third, and finally, was that she was not dressed in her novice whites. Half of her thought something was indeed wrong, but the other half recalled vividly her expulsion from the Tower. In her mind, Jenrien Sedai clucked her tongue at Amarantha and stated, "You and Calisan, both sent from here within the same day because you refused to enter the third arch."

She was now trying to find her friend. Calisan did not have too great a start on Amarantha, but even if she had pushed her mount heavily she wouldn't chance travel by night on her own. There are brigands here even this close to Tar Valon for any man or woman leaving alone who looks to be not of the Tower, she mused as her eyes scanned the area. Light, I don't know that two women alone out here will stop them if we don't have the ageless look!

"I have to find her," she stated firmly. "There is no one else for me to be near or travel with." But I didn't leave the Tower! part of her mind wailed. She frowned and shook her head a bit. "How odd," she commented worriedly. "Perhaps this an effect of only going through two of the arches? Then why wasn't I taught it at the Tower?"

The way back will come but once. Be steadfast, a voice said near her.

Amarantha halted her mount and looked around warily. "Who is there?" she called out. "I am armed!" Silence greeted her, however, and she started her mount up again to continue on.

It was only another little ways down the road before Amarantha came upon Calisan's mount roaming around. Instantly alert and extremely worried, the white-haired woman dismounted carefully and went to investigate the red roan. Calisan's things were missing, but there were no signs of a scuffle. "They must have taken her a bit down the road and I just didn't notice because I wasn't looking for it," she growled. "If this is her mount." Her eye caught on something lying on the ground near where the horse was grazing that Amarantha recognized immediately as being Calisan's, effectively wiping all doubts from her mind as well as her hope. "Bloody goat-kissers!" she snarled as she stooped down to pick up the scarf.

She heard something move behind her, from the tangle of thick bushes, but before she could stand and unsheathe her sword, something struck her on the back of the head and the world went dark.

Amarantha wasn't certain how long she was out for, but when she rose back to consciousness she was lying on her side on the wooden floor of a room. No, not a room, her groggy mind decided, a wagon of some sort. She smelled the scent of horses nearby and opened her eyes to the dim interior. She could tell from the way the light from a fire gleamed inside the wagon slightly that it was night. She sat up slowly, touching the back of her head carefully with a wince, and breathed a long sigh. "I have to get out of here," she groaned quietly.

"Ammy?" Calisan's voice asked querulously from towards the back. "Are you awake?" She carefully crawled into a bit of light from the fire outside, the men's rough laughter causing them both to freeze. "What happened? Why did you leave the Tower?" She kept her voice at a whisper and cast wary looks at the opening in the front of the covered wagon. The men had obviously left them inside with no guards for a reason, and Amarantha was determined to find out what. Light, we can maybe escape if I do know.

"I was turned away, Calisan. I refused to enter my third arch," Amarantha replied aloud. "I came to catch up to you, but I got caught as you did." She looked around at the wagon. "Why have they left us unguarded?"

Calisan's breathing became harsh. "They have a woman who can channel leading them and she warned them that I could. She left a good while before you came by. But while she was here she shielded me and tied off the weave, like they told us in class and showed us. I've tried to break it for hours on my own, but none of those things Grita Sedai taught us have worked so far. And I'm so tired, Ammy. I haven't channeled since before they caught me. Light, I haven't channeled since before my attempt at raising today!" Her voice became sad. "I want to go back to the Tower so much. I don't know that they would accept me at home."

"I know how you feel," Amarantha murmured to console her. In her head that voice said again, The way back will come but once. Be steadfast. "Steadfast," she whispered.

"Ammy, what's wrong?" Calisan asked worriedly. "Did they hurt you when they hit you?"

"Calisan," Amarantha replied instead, "do you hear voices in your head telling you to be steadfast?" Light, I don't know if I'm all right or not! Amarantha cried in her mind. But I will find out if I am imagining this voice or not, that much I do know!

The other woman gave Amarantha an odd look. "Not since my raising earlier today. Why?"

Raising? Amarantha boggled, something tugging at her memory. She was again torn, part of her saying that she had botched her raising while the other part insisting that she had yet to complete her second arch. She shook her head slowly. "I don't know yet. I still hear it now and again. Must be my imagination." She made as if to embrace saidar and looked at Calisan. "Let me see if I can get you unshielded. Perhaps with both of us working at it…"

"No, Amarantha," she whispered excitedly. "There's no need! I think it's giving now! I just had to hit it in this rhythm I just did, and it weakened. I can almost reach the Power again." Her face got a look of concentration on it that Amarantha recalled well. She sat in breathless anxiety for what seemed like an eternity before Calisan gasped and said, "There! I'm free! Let's get out of here, Amarantha!"

"We won't get far without mounts or gold or our things, Calisan."

The other girl shook her head. "We'll go back to Tar Valon and find work, or at least find someone we can work for who might be leaving the city. We have to go right now, though! Those men could come over here at any time!"

Amarantha wavered, then relented. "All right, so do you have an idea?"

Calisan nodded. "They don't know you can channel and don't think I can right now. We can leave out the back way of the wagon. The horses are tethered there and make noises when I poke my head out, but that was before they were fed and watered. Even if they did, we could vanish into the scrub near them. There's a drop behind it we can hide in. We can make our way from here once we get behind it."

Amarantha nodded and Calisan began to creep for the back of the wagon. The two women crouched near the exit as Calisan carefully looked to make sure they were alone. The horses were blissfully silent in the night, except for their thunderous crunching as they ate, and Calisan slowly made her way out of the wagon. Once Calisan had dropped into a crouch again, Amarantha followed suit.

Before Calisan moved, Amarantha touched her arm and leaned close to whisper in her ear. "Should anything happen, do not channel! I should have mentioned this before, but you didn't try to when you broke that shield. For some reason the thought of that gives me a bad feeling, as if it would mean trouble." She blinked after she said it, not knowing why, though she knew it to be true. It feels true, she found.

Be steadfast, said the voice in Amarantha's head. She frowned and shrugged it away mentally. I'll deal with you later, she told it.

Calisan gave her a confused look. "I will only channel if there is no other way, Ammy." She glanced around quickly, an action Amarantha repeated before she thought better of it, and finally murmured, "See those bushes over there? That is where we need to go. You go first and I'll come once you're safe."

"Right," Amarantha responded, then slithered away as silently as she could.

She had almost reached her destination when there was a gruff shout of surprise from behind her, followed by Calisan's shriek. Amarantha whirled and saw her friend being held by a larger figure that had to be one of the thieves, but her hand reached for the dagger she should've had at her side and came up empty. "Light blasted luck!" she snarled as she took a step to return to aid Calisan.

She froze and her eyes widened as she felt the other woman embrace saidar. A glow surrounded Calisan even as Amarantha's hand came up to stop her and she yelled, "No, don't!" The unease in her mind went mad with terror as she watched weaves of Fire form and get loosed almost instantaneously. The man flew back into the wagon with a bellow of agony, rocking it forward a bit, his clothing on fire along with most of the rest of him.

Calisan's piercing scream as she collapsed to the ground and clutched her head eclipsed the other cry. Amarantha's mouth went dry and she tasted bile faintly as she realized the glow of the Power had vanished from Calisan at the same moment the woman had dropped to the ground. How did she Still herself? Amarantha thought wildly. It was a simple weave and she didn't use a lot of saidar! "Ammy!" Calisan sobbed. "Light, help me, please! What did I do wrong? It's gone!"

The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.

The voice stopped Amarantha before she had taken more than a few steps. "Fine time to be going insane," she growled, then took another couple of steps before she was halted by something more tangible than the bodiless voice.

Off to her left, no more than a few paces away, an arch appeared. It called to Amarantha somehow, as if it were a portal into safety. She felt her breath catch as she tore her gaze from it to look back at Calisan. I have to get her! Amarantha decided. We will both be safe if I can take her through that arch!

Three more brigands had appeared while Amarantha had watched the arch. Two were picking up the whimpering and weeping Calisan while the other headed her direction. She prepared to channel, but halted as a feeling of anxiety hit her. I must go through right now, else I will die here for certain, she realized. Her steps turned toward the arch again.

"Ammy! Don't leave me here!" Calisan screamed in despair.

Be steadfast, the voice soothed, drawing the reluctant woman closer. But what about Calisan? Amarantha asked it as tears began to form. Why can't I help her too, blast you?

She paused, torn in between staying and leaving, then made the final step as if part of her being were being ripped away. The tears that had only begun to form now coursed down her face as she did, and the echo of her friend's final screech of "Amarantha!" haunted her mind. She briefly wondered if that call for help would be in her head bouncing around forever before the light shredded her to bits and burned her to cinders.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Amarantha came from the second arch and almost staggered into one of the Aes Sedai sitting nearby. The woman didn't notice in the least. Neither did Amarantha, who stood cradling her stomach as she battled nausea. Her lips were pressed together until they were almost invisible. Her naturally pale skin was utterly ashen, sickly-looking, and her eyes were shut tightly. A few stray tears trickled down her face as she finally muttered breathily, "I'm sorry, Calisan! I couldn't help you! Light, forgive me!"

She was bombarded by cold water and swallowed heavily as a shudder wracked her. "You are washed clean of false pride," Nikkira intoned. "You are washed clean of false ambition. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul."

As Nikkira moved away, Jenrien took Amarantha's wet shoulders and moved her towards the last arch. "This is your last one, child, and then it is all done."

Amarantha let out a shuddering breath. "Jenrien Sedai, is it real?" Light send it is not! she prayed fervently. Oh, Calisan!

Jenrien clucked her tongue a bit. "No one knows, child. Some say it is but a dream, a very vivid one, while others speculate it may just be as real as the world we live in."

"But, Jenrien Sedai, Calisan Stilled herself and--"

The Aes Sedai cut her off sharply. "It is customary to not speak of what occurs in the ter'angreal. They are your fears and no one else's." Her face softened a bit, as did her voice. "But any Brown Sister would love to hear your thoughts on the ter'angreal." They halted in front of the third arch and she took her hands from Amarantha's shoulders. "Are you ready for the last of it?"

Amarantha sighed. Later again, she thought privately. Later. But perhaps if that was real, by finishing I change what happens. The idea gave her strength and calmed her fluttering nausea completely. "I am ready," she responded gravely as she stared at the glowing arch like it was a coiled serpent.

"The third time is for what will be. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast," Jenrien said.

"Light help me if this one is the worst," Amarantha lisped, then stepped into the glow and was filled by blazing brightness.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Amarantha Sedai?" the novice called from down the hallway.

The questioning voice caused Amarantha to pause a moment in uncertainty. When did I become Aes Sedai? she wondered briefly, then cast the thought away. How silly of me, she admonished herself silently. It has been thirty of my namedays since I was raised to the Green Ajah. She could recall the time as if it had only been the day before, but yet something inside her said that she had never finished her arches. I must have if I am Aes Sedai, as I obviously am, so this is folly to be thinking of such things. Besides, I have to be Aes Sedai since I was raised to the position of Mistress of Novices fifteen summers past!

The way back will come but once. Be steadfast, a voice said in her mind, causing her to wonder about her sanity.

Putting the line of thought away to humor herself later, Amarantha turned with a placid look and answered, "Yes, child?" The novice quickly curtsied and held out a slip of paper. Her hand visibly trembled.

"Novice Elana is in her lessons at this time, but she asked me to bring this to you, Aes Sedai. She said it was her completed chore. I was to have brought it much earlier, but Maihgread Sedai had me sent on an errand for her before I could come to you."

Amarantha nodded cooly and received the parchment. "You may go now, child. You have lessons as well, I would wager."

"Yes, Aes Sedai," the girl murmured with a curtsy before she scurried away. Amarantha frowned fiercely as she recalled the reason why the novice had been shaking so badly. Not for my station of Mistress of Novices, not anymore, she ruminated darkly. No, she trembles because she believes those filthy rumors that I am a Darkfriend. Someone in the Tower is making me look guilty.

And the worst part is that the Amyrlin and the Hall are asking me to step down and allow myself to be watched until the truth is discovered! They are putting before them for judgment this evening in a Hall meeting! she raged, teeth clenched. How dare they?

She realized her hand had crumpled the paper she held, and the knowledge cooled her anger back to a simmer. This is why you're finding evidence to prove your innocence, she told herself calmly. You will find it, Light willing.

She continued on her way to her study and caught sight of the note left by the door as if it had fangs. There was no sigil for the Amrylin upon it, nor any other marking to identify it as something an official of the Tower had left. She knew it was from the one who had been setting the Tower against her. Amarantha had already received three such letters that she had read and then had burned in her wrath. She picked it up all the same and entered her study with both papers in one hand. "Oh, I will read your rubbish, have no fear," she growled to the invisible person. "And then I will see if anyone saw who put this paper there."

She knew that nobody would have seen anything, however. The notes appeared when the halls were empty around her study's door. Amarantha threw herself into her large chair heavily, feeling tired to the marrow of her bones, and let out a long sigh. Her free hand rubbed her face and eyes as frustration set in. "There has to be something I can use to show them I am not what they think I am!" she wailed to the silent room. "Something I can show the Amyrlin before the Hall meeting tonight." She tossed the two papers onto the desk and almost turned away from them when something caught her eye about them.

She picked one up in her right hand and looked at it carefully, then set it down and placed the other note beside it. Both were folded, not rolled as most missives that came to her were, and the foldings were identical. It's as if the same person folded them without thinking of how they were folding them, she mused. The thought left her cold as an idea occurred to her, leaving a flutter of hope in her breast without warning. "Carefully," she warned herself. "It's best not to place your hopes on something that may only be accidental."

It was with trembling hands that Amarantha unfolded first one paper and then the other to set beside one another once more. Her avid green eyes poured over the handwriting on both parchments, studying them intently. It didn't take much work to see that her idea had proved true. Her heart felt as if it stopped as excitement flooded through her body. "The script is the same on both letters!" she crowed in breathy ecstasy. "They were written by the same person, and the way they were folded supports it!" She knew that the Browns would back her on the evidence. She knew Margha Sedai and had for a good decade, but even then the older Brown Sister had been studying this topic for a good decade prior to Amarantha's entry into the Tower as a novice. Amarantha herself had taken a class on the subject as an Accepted. "She will be listened to! I must tell the Amyrlin!"

Her hands wildly pulled out a clean bit of paper and she scrawled a quick message to Syldena Sedai, the Amyrlin, about her findings. She rolled it after hurriedly daubing it dry and sealed it with a bit of wax. Amarantha then ran to the door and hauled it open, hailing an Accepted as she passed near the end of the hallway and giving the young woman instructions to take it to the Amyrlin as fast as her legs would carry her.

Once she was gone, Amarantha moved back to her desk and took up both papers. She refolded each of them, then as an afterthought rewrote her short message to Syldena and folded it up as well. "Just in case they wonder if it was me who wrote both the other letters," she said with a triumphant smile. Thank the Light, I am saved!

When the voice echoed in her mind this time, she simply shook her head, too relieved to really heed it. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.

She was standing out in the gardens a candlemark later when the Amyrlin appeared, just as Amarantha had asked in her short note. Syldena walked up with an air of dignity to her, her eyes sharp as they focused on the woman in front of her. Amarantha was still impressed by how the Amyrlin seemed to have been born with the stole on her shoulders and curtsied deeply as she came to a stop near her. "My thanks for coming, Mother," Amarantha said respectfully.

"You said you had proof of your innocence," Syldena responded smoothly, yet firmly. "My duties are manifold this day and I would appreciate swiftness." She smiled a tiny bit. "And I would like to see your name cleared of what is being accused of you, Daughter, if it is possible in the Light."

Amarantha understood what was not said out loud. If it is indeed untrue, you mean, she added to herself as she stood up straight and tall. She had an odd feeling, as if there were something.... wrong ....somewhere in the gardens, but brushed it away as nervousness. Be steadfast, the voice told her softly.

She brushed it away. "It is indeed possible, Mother. In fact, the Light has blessed me this day." She fished out the three notes and held them in her hands, consciously stilling their trembling as she offered them to the Amyrlin one at a time with the one she'd written being last. "Today I received the fourth note from the person spreading the vileness about me. The first three enraged me so that I burned them. The fourth might have followed had I not made a discovery." She winced at Syldena's disapproving glare at the mention of the burning of the other notes. "To make certain you know it was not me who wrote the first two, I have included a short message in my own handwriting. You have one in your study now that is from me, as well, to compare with. Margha Sedai of the Brown Ajah has studied this sort of thing for many years now, and I know she can tell the truth from the false. I will even write something in front of the Hall tonight for her to study right there and compare to my other notes!"

Syldena watched her for a long moment, weighing her with a look, then asked, "Who was it who wrote the letters you received, then? It would help if we had their name, to see how they answered our questions." She frowned as if sensing the same thing as Amarantha was feeling. Light, Amarantha thought as she glanced around, what is going on? First this voice in my head and now this sense.

Amarantha took a deep breath and continued, though. "She is a novice by the name of Elana Tryph, Mother. I recently gave her the chore of writing down all the names of the Brown Sisters in the Tower and listening to one lecture of their choosing. Elana had to make a description of those lectures in two sentences beside the proper names, all on one piece of parchment. She had been sent to me for talking in class incessantly. She was in one of her lessons, but she had another novice bring the paper with the information. I looked at it and the note left at my door and not only were they folded exactly the same, but they also contained handwriting that was distinctly similar."

The Amyrlin nodded slowly. "I will bring this novice to the Hall meeting tonight, as well as Margha Sedai. If the Brown confirms all that you have told me just now, this Elana will have much to answer for should her script match that of the letter."

"Thank you, Mother," Amarantha stated gratefully as she curtsied deeply."Thank you very much."

Syldena nodded again. "To tell the truth of it, I would not have come here had I not believed you had indeed found something of interest to your plight, Amarantha." She turned away and began to move back down the path leading to the Tower proper, though Amarantha kept her curtsy long after the other woman had vanished from view.

The unspoken was yet again understood by the white-haired woman. I have not wasted your time, Mother, she thought stoutly. I know I have not.

The sudden sense of wrongness coalesced into a definite feeling she had heard of in her lessons as an Accepted. "Shadowspawn? In the Tower?" she whispered in horror as she straightened from her curtsy quickly. The sickness in the pit of her stomach led her in the direction the Amyrlin had just gone. "Light! Syldena!" she yelled, kilting up her dress high enough to run safely. No! Light, please, no! she prayed fervently. The way back will come but once.

Amarantha turned a corner and saw the Amyrlin just ahead of her. The feeling of sickness was obviously affecting her, as well, because Syldena had stopped and was looking around warily in one direction as she held saidar. Amarantha never slowed down as she took hold of saidar with the yell of, "Mother! Are you all right?"

Syldena turned to look at the approaching Green, a woman still not cleared of being a Darkfriend, holding saidar and frowned slightly. "Daughter," she began to respond, but the speed at which things happened left unknown whatever she may have stated. Amarantha's gaze slid by a man who suddenly appeared, walking the opposite direction as the Amyrlin. Syldena had turned back to look at Amarantha, leaving her back unprotected for just long enough it seemed. Amarantha knew the man was a Grey Man from her lessons about them; from the way her eyes refused to notice him. The knowledge struck her as horridly fascinating for such a brief moment it was incalculable, then she leapt forward with a weave of Air ready to bind the Shadowspawn before it could harm Syldena. At the same moment, Syldena herself had begun to wheel around as the sense of danger hit her.

Amarantha reached the Amyrlin only a second or two after she saw the assassin's blade do his work. Syldena had not completed her turn to face him, or her weave to attack him, before the knife was slid into her lower back and the Grey Man was gone. Amarantha caught the Amyrlin as she fell and lowered her to the ground slowly so as not to hurt her more. Her green eyes were pleading as they looked into the Mother's. "I cannot Heal," she finally managed. Light, what do I do now?

"Then do what you can, Daughter," Syldena responded softly, her face taut in pain yet refusing to acknowledge it. "You are Green."

The Battle Ajah had taught her to fight, and how to Heal with the Power should she have any modicum of Talent for it. They also taught her how to tend to the injured in battle, and the dagger wound was no exception. "I will keep you alive until a Yellow or one skilled in Healing comes, Mother," Amarantha said firmly and tore off a long strip of her dress to make a bandage. "I must stop the bleeding."

A sudden shout from a girl nearby brought Amarantha's head up sharply as she recognized it. Elana stood not five paces away, smirking and screaming, "Hurry to the gardens, someone! Amarantha has killed the Mother! Help! Light, somebody help! The Darkfriend has stabbed her!" She then took off as fast as her legs could carry her, still yelling at the top of her lungs, and Amarantha could hear footsteps heading towards them at a fast clip. They will take me away, and if Syldena dies... she let the thought trail off. The Mother was the only one who knew about her evidence, and the only one who carried it with her.

Suddenly, a silvery arch beckoned from the other side of the pathway, in between two bushes. Amarantha caught her breath as she felt the most intense desire to go into the thing wash over her. Safety, she thought, and a place where they know I am not a servant of the Dark One.

She had stood and had taken a few steps before the groans of the Amyrlin reached her. Amarantha paused and turned back to blink at her in confusion. "No," she said as she shook her head, "I can't leave yet! I can keep her alive and bring Elana to justice for what she's done." Yet, the arch called to her in an irresistible song, leading Amarantha another step closer. She was almost touching it, now.

The way back will come but once. Be steadfast, the voice said in her head for a final time. "Steadfast, like I am a novice going through my raising again," she whispered, casting another look at the fallen Amyrlin. A figure appeared from the Tower proper and bellowed, "You! Stay where you are, Light forsaken Trolloc lover!"

Amarantha looked at the man with wide eyes as she realized that he had his weapon drawn. "I didn't do it!" she cried back to him, feeling that if she didn't go through the arch, she would be lost somehow.

"Liar!" the man howled and charged her with his pike ready.

"I am innocent!" she roared in rage as she threw herself into the arch.

Light filled her, burned her through to her soul, changed her, and didn't stop until she was Light itself floating and flaming on the winds of Time.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I am innocent!" Amarantha thundered as she stepped from the third arch. Her eyes blazed in fury as she grit her teeth. How dare they? she demanded internally. How dare they say I am a Darkfriend? "Is that all I get to do?" she spat in wrath. "Leave them all, time and time again?"

She noted the seven striped stole of the Amyrlin in front of her right then and swallowed her bitter words as she knelt slowly. Cold water drenched her, though it didn't cool her anger in the least, and the Amyrlin stated, "You are washed clean of Amarantha Charmai from Elin. You are washed clean of all ties that bind you to the world. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul. You are Amarantha Charmai, Accepted of the White Tower." As the last of the water ran down her hair onto the floor beneath her bowed head, Amarantha heard the Amyrlin's final words. "You are sealed to us, now."

She raised her left hand to receive the golden Great Serpent ring on her third finger and then was helped to her feet. "Welcome, Daughter," she was told, then the Amyrlin kissed her cheek. "Welcome," Syldena finished after she kissed Amarantha's other cheek. The older woman stepped away and gave her a stern look. "You will dry yourself and dress again, then gather your things from your room in the novice quarters to move to the Accepted quarters. Light bless you, child." And then she turned and strode away purposefully even as Amarantha curtsied.

Jenrien handed her a towel and waited for her to dry her hair before handing her another to dry her body. She remained silent the entire time, then gave her a white dress banded by the seven colors of the Ajahs. Amarantha sighed as she smoothed the dress over her hips and cast a last look at the ter'angreal.

As she turned to leave the room, she couldn't help looking at Jenrien and touching her arm for attention. "A moment, Aes Sedai," she murmured with a curtsy.

"Yes, child?" Jenrien replied with a lifted brow. "You need to rest, girl. Make it swift."

Amarantha took a deep breath, glanced around quickly, and then leaned in close to whisper her question. "Please, Jenrien Sedai, for my own sanity… Was Calisan raised today? Did she pass through her arches successfully, or did you punish her and send her to her rooms earlier?" Her large eyes pleaded for an answer, good or bad.

Jenrien remained motionless for a long moment before she answered, and when she did, her voice didn't carry farther than the distance between the two of them. "Some women," she simply stated, looking undeniably weary for it, "do not return from their arches." She turned away to aid in the cleaning up of the room. "To your room, Accepted. You heard what the Mother said." Her voice held a sharp edge of iron to it.

Amarantha stood rooted for a long moment before she grit her teeth and hurried from the room. Once outside, she broke off into a run up the ramp, lifting her new dress to do it. "I will tell you something no woman hears until this point," Jenrien said in her mind, followed by "they simply were not there." Amarantha knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she couldn't speak to anyone of Calisan's true fate, and that she would be visited by Jenrien herself as soon as the raising room was cleared and the items replaced in their original homes. Her sorrow would be only a personal thing.

But was that really her that I saw in the arch? Amarantha agonized as she slowed her running steps and dashed the incessant tears from her eyes. She had to gain control of herself and do it quickly before others saw her. But was it her? Did I leave her to die? "Oh, Light, Calisan!" she whispered, half sobbing.

Leaning against a wall, she attempted to gather her wits about her and calm down, pushing the emotions away until later when she was settled into her room. She still had to move her things out of the novice halls before the night was through. "I will never forget," she decided stubbornly, taking deep breaths and willing her tears to stop. "I will never forget what you did to her."

Back